I woke up fairly early considering not feeling well yesterday. I felt a bit hung overish and overly warm, however I needed to go look for something for my son. He never tells me til the day before. Spent a few hours with mom and my aunt so it turned out fine.

I ran into a former coworker at wal-mart and it was nice to see him and say hi. He said something that stuck with me….I told him he hadn’t changed much in the 10 plus years. He said well how are you feeling and how are you doing. You look like you are doing good. I just said thanks to that. I mean no one wants to hear how painful my body parts are or how much energy it took to grocery shop. I had to ask a random guy in the parking lot to help me put a case of water in my trunk. I thought about this the whole way home; invisibility.
Many chronic illnesses just are that invisible and many people with them just smile and say fine or some such thing. It is rare that a friend or family member will understand unless they too are dealing with the same illness and symptoms. I was lucky to have a coworker for the last few years that has had fibromyalgia even longer than I have. It seemed like we would know from each others voice or body movements if it was a flare day or just any day. Fibro fog is real and it really can mess with life. It made it hard to concentrate on phone calls and orders being called in. I was writing numbers backward. The anxiety of this happening was really rough on my health and confidence. It is very hard for me to say I couldn’t remember without notes and emails what to do day to day. If I didn’t do something daily I was forgetting exactly what I was to do. Over the last year or so that has gotten worse and the pain settled in my body no matter what I was doing. I was so tired that I had to take a nap every day at lunch. Some days it helped and others it didn’t. This was all before having breast cancer.

Sitting, standing and even laying when I have a flare hinders me by causing more pain. Many times having migraines along with this was detrimental to any kind of life. I’m am told to exercise it will get better, but nothing has helped in over 14 years.

I was given more meds than a gal needs. I had been mis-doagnosed a few times and even not diagnosed in others. I would fall or they would find me on a porch or even a floor. No being able to walk and having a toddler or not being able to go to the bathroom are just examples of some things I dealt with. All happened to me plus some. I even wasn’t allowed to drive for 6 months or so due to vertigo and passing out.

Companies don’t really want an unreliable employee. My illness since 2004 has made working difficult. Eventually working extra hours or working hard on a project would catch up on me. It usually settled in my back with spasms so very bad that I could not stand up entirely. I had several really great jobs, but in 2015 had to resign from one of them where I did union payroll and tasks dealing with accounting and I was having a hard time concentrating because of the severe pain in my legs. Medicines often created a zombie Heather or made me unable to drive myself. The Dr had given me 2 prescriptions that were not compatible with my body. A steroid and an antiinflammatory affected each other. Another Dr ordered an antidepressant medicine and in 3 days I knew I wasn’t able to use it. Cymbalta and I were not agreeable. Yet another example of issues associated with fibro; sensitivies to meds. Other meds caused rashes, hives, low BP, vomitting, nausea, and severe itching. I have a list of meds I can’t take for one reason or another.

I write this today as many still do not understand fibro or how it can affect someone’s life – families, jobs, finances and much more are affected.

Do you think I should write some more about the past and how the timeline has affected me personally or just moving forward? There is a CONTACT ME form on the main menu. Please let me know what you think. I write to clear my mind so I guess I could write and write and write.

I usually try to write first thing in the morning or at night when I’m awake and shouldn’t be. I type away on my tablet or phone most nights until long into the morning. I do get sidetracked or get muscle cramps in my arms and hands typing this way occassionally. I have enjoyed sending blog posts and reading other people’s blogs. I hope I’m not inundating everyone with my posts.