The changes to my body due to weather, activity, sensory issues and so many more things has taken ME away from Heather.   I’m not the same person since before my constant fibromyalgia and migraines.

I woke up this morning and its toasty in the house and a frigid 0° outside.  No snow today.  My body is in spasms and so much pain.  Yesterday, I put on makeup (took me an hour lol) to get a nice picture with my bestie and her husband and had lunch with my folks.  Mom made lasagna and I couldn’t pass that up 😍😀

My youngest niece wasn’t feeling well and I was sitting on the floor rocking her on my lap and today every muscle that was involved with that rocking feels like I ran the Pittsburgh marathon.  I woke up in the middle of the night and was sore in my neck and couldn’t figure out what the hell I did to hurt it.  It is 72° in here and my body feels like its outside under the sun.   🔥🔥hot flashes are rough today 🔥🔥 The pain & spasms happen all of the time from the simplest of tasks.  Sitting up-right in a regular chair makes my hips and knees burn.

All of these symptoms shouldn’t define me , but I do occasionally forget what a survivor I can be.  I have lived and worked through this disease for over 15 years.  I have worked with wicked wicked migraines.  I stayed strong through surgery, treatments and so many complications to be where I am today.  I am a breast cancer survivor! I will be a warrior as I fight through the Huntington’s Disease obstacles ahead.

I just get sad I am missing out on life activities and that my little family at home is affected by the journey ahead.  I say journey because it will be a fight to get there.  I just hope we are able to make it to the end together.   Some days, not gonna lie, it seems impossible and others definitely doable.

Reading a post from a fellow blogger this morning, I realized I am my worst enemy.  I often am much harder on myself than others.  I praise/console a friend and call myself a dumb ass for doing similar things.  I’ve been guilty of this nearly my whole life.  As a mom with chronic issues I am a worrier and often blame myself for activities we don’t attend, missing out on tasks outside like sledding or ice skating, because I don’t know how it will affect my body or I’m already too worn out to do anything but sleep.  I miss reading a lot, working and providing for my family along with my husband & taking pictures or being in pictures.  I used to take 1000s of pictures and love playing and editing them.  I can’t even hold my phone up for a proper selfie. I want to take many more of my family and have them take pictures with me.  I’m afraid that they will forget who I was and things we did together along the adventure called life.  Will I be forgotten? I hope not.  I hope that they will remember the heart they always thought was frozen; melted and thawed and yet unnoticed.  I have a heart bursting with ❤. I don’t always let it be shown.  I am brutally honest with my truths.

I saved this and decided to finish after my day – -what a day.  Driving around in circles for appointments, oil change in record time, feeding pops and heading home.  Once again hit with an abrupt slap of reality; let’s keep that for another time😞.  Anyways – I’m trying to keep positive and ignore the severe pain. Hopefully the pain cream helps. TTFN